Gay For Pay

“Gay-for-pay is a term used more commonly with male (and, less frequently, female) actors, pornographic stars, or sex workers that identify as heterosexual but are paid to act or perform gay professionally.”
wikipedia.org

As a guy, will you do such things?
As a career, for the money; is it worth it?
Does your family and relatives ever cross your mind when you consider such an option as a career?
Do you think your loved ones will approve of you doing something like that?
As a girl, will you approve of your boyfriend/fiancé/husband committing such acts?

Enough of those hypothetical questions. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for us, pornography is illegal, and there is no porn industry in existence. There is, however, a similar profession within the realm of the sex industry – prostitute. Whatever the job, I can safely say that they are usually frowned upon in disgust and disapproval. Sex, in general, is a largely taboo and unspoken topic in Singapore.

While it is true that globalization has exposed us to much information and numerous cultures, causing us to be more liberal in our thoughts and actions, we cannot deny that we are still pretty much conservative as compared to our American counterparts.

Based on the series of videos, let’s make a comparison between what we see and our local beliefs/mindset. The following are some differences we have.

- As stated in the beginning, there is obviously no such thing as a porn industry here.
- If there was, it would be considered a shameful thing to be in it.
- There is a low level of acceptance for the local LGBT community
- Sex-related issues are very seldom discussed openly.

Obviously, the 2 cultures are not like opposite ends of a spectrum. There is also negativity associated with pornography and homosexuality in the US, undeniably. But despite such a similarity, there is a difference in the tolerance towards these issues. This is an example to illustrate my point.

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From the above, we are roughly able to identify the few major differences in perspectives between 2 countries on the issue of sex. Consider this in terms of other topics, like time, values, power distance, gender roles, uncertainty avoidance, etc. Add on the fact that some people carry an attitude of implicit superiority, while others have extreme cultural prejudices. In the larger scheme of things, all these become potential barriers to intercultural communication.

Well there are definitely tactics to overcome the barriers, but it’s going to be hard to encompass all of them when communicating with someone of another culture. Here are some tactics:
- Expect & tolerate uncertainty
- Be open-minded
- Build cultural understanding; Having cultural knowledge
- Practice mindful communication
- Engage in person-centered communication

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So what do you think about gay-for-pay? Is it wrong? Or is it simply just another job?

And what do you feel about these issues being discussed openly? Are Americans overly liberal? Or are we just too conservative?

Teenagers, Love & Sex

How was Valentine’s Day for you yesterday? Was it filled with roses, chocolates, and a date with a loved one? Or did you spend the day in a more unique way?

As we witness the typical scenes of couples exchanging sweet nothings and holding hands, we will sometimes also experience awkward moments when nearby young couples start behaving intimately. In fact, witnessing of such acts is not only limited to special occasions like V Day, and is becoming increasingly common. While it may be simplistically seen as liberalization of our society, one should not overlook the details within this trend.

One of the major concerns regarding this liberalization is teenagers and youngsters. Just because there are curfews and restrictions set by parents doesn’t mean youngsters don’t know about love, romance and relationships. There are many means of communication nowadays and this impossible to fully control the information that teenagers are exposed to. The internet is the most powerful and dangerous thing of modern day, and teenagers are falling prey to this monster.

As reported in My Paper,
Mon, Feb 09, 2009:

More S'pore teens prefer to flirt offline
By Kenny Chee
BEING a female player in online games gets her a lot of attention from other gamers, and while she flirts with them from time to time, Miss N. Tan, 19, draws the line at meeting them in real life. Miss Tan, a student, told my paper: "I would never meet any of (the guys) offline... Most of them are weirdos." Still, she said some of the men gave her pet names like "Baby" or asked her to be their girlfriend. Some even asked her to have cybersex with them. Although she found it interesting, she was aware of the dangers of interacting with online sexual predators and made it a point not to reveal her personal information to anyone. Miss Tan is one of many Singaporean teens using technology to flirt and maintain online relationships. Last Friday, a global survey of teenage users of Habbo - an online world similar to Second Life - showed that around 15 per cent of Singapore teens flirt online through instant messaging, online social networks and online worlds. However, 27 per cent still prefer face-to-face flirting. The survey was conducted last month by Sulake, the Finnish firm that runs Habbo. Almost 130,000 teens from 33 countries were polled, including 2,900 from Singapore. Mr Valmond Teng, 22, who has been using online channels to keep in contact with his real-life girlfriends since he was 14, said teenagers go online to flirt with the opposite sex because restrictions like curfews prevented them from meeting more often. "But I would not advocate finding a relationship online because it's hard to tell if someone is being truthful on the Internet," said the Singapore Management University business-management student.

&…

S'pore youth hone flirting skills online
By Kenny Chee
ROMANCE is very much alive among Singapore youths, with many honing their flirtation skills online.
A global survey of teenage users of Habbo, an online world similar to Second Life, found that seven in 10 teenagers here feel that romance is not dead. In fact, two in three of them said that technology, such as online networking sites, has paved the way for romance by making it easier for them to flirt. Released last Friday, the findings come at a time when the number of singles here is on the rise. Statistics show that there are more single men and women now than over 10 years ago. Last month, the two government matchmaking agencies, the Social Development Unit and the Social Development Service, merged to enlarge their dating pool of singles. But the Habbo findings show that future prospects for Singapore youths, who are raised on the Internet and social-networking sites, are bright indeed. The survey was conducted last month by Sulake, the Finnish firm behind Habbo. It polled almost 130,000 teenagers in 33 countries. There were 2,900 from Singapore. It found that half of the local respondents have had at least one real- life romance. Six in 10 have had at least one online relationship. Mr Ken Lim, country manager of Sulake Singapore, said: "The benefit of anonymity...is that teenagers will not be fearful of rejection in online relationships." Online gamer N. Tan said she would flirt back with online male gamers when in the mood. But undergraduate Katarina Low, 19, feels that online flirting could be dangerous because sexual predators could hide behind the cover of anonymity. "I think face-to-face contact is still the best," she said.

As we can see, 15% of teenagers flirt online. Online flirting allows them to remain anonymous, or even take on a different personality. As such, relationships formed through the internet can possibly be built upon lies and fakery. There is no trust put into these relationships, therefore it'll weak and unstable. The problem arise when one person fails to realise such a fact, and blindly commits into the online relationship. Over time, feelings intensify. And when the truth finally unfolds, the consequences will be hard to manage.

What is even scarier than teens flirting online is the fact that more and more of them are engaging in sexual acts, and at younger ages. Reports of parents as young as 12 years old exist, and are indeed shocking.

Just recently, there was one such report in The Sun:

Baby-faced boy Alfie Patten is a father at 13
By LUCY HAGAN
Published: 13 Feb 2009
BOY dad Alfie Patten yesterday admitted he does not know how much nappies cost — but said: “I think it’s a lot.”
Baby-faced Alfie, who is 13 but looks more like eight, became a father four days ago when his girlfriend Chantelle Steadman gave birth to 7lb 3oz Maisie Roxanne. He told how he and Chantelle, 15, decided against an abortion after discovering she was pregnant. The shy lad, whose voice has not yet broken, said: “I thought it would be good to have a baby. I didn’t think about how we would afford it. I don’t really get pocket money. My dad sometimes gives me £10.” Alfie, who is just 4ft tall, added: “When my mum found out, I thought I was going to get in trouble. We wanted to have the baby but were worried how people would react. I didn’t know what it would be like to be a dad. I will be good, though, and care for it.” Alfie's story, broken exclusively by The Sun today has sparked a huge political storm with Tory leader David Cameron saying: "When I saw these pictures this morning, I just thought how worrying that in Britain today children are having children. I hope that somehow these children grow up into responsible parents but the truth is parenthood is just not something they should be thinking about right now."

SecretPM Gordon Brown refused to comment directly on the story but said it was important that the Government did all it could to prevent teenage pregnancies. Alfie’s dad Dennis yesterday told how the lad does not really understand the enormity of his situation — but seemed desperate to be a devoted and responsible father. He wanted to be the first to hold Maisie after the hospital birth. He tenderly kisses the baby and gives her a bottle. And Dennis, 45, said: “He could have shrugged his shoulders and sat at home on his Playstation. But he has been at the hospital every day.” Maisie was conceived after Chantelle and Alfie — just 12 at the time — had a single night of unprotected sex. They found out about the baby when Chantelle was 12 weeks pregnant. But they kept it a secret until six weeks later when Chantelle’s mum Penny, 38, became suspicious about her weight gain and confronted her. After that Alfie’s family told only those closest to them for fear he would be “demonised” at school. Chantelle gave birth to Maisie on Monday night after a five-hour labour at Eastbourne Hospital, East Sussex. Last night she told The Sun: “I’m tired after the birth. I was nervous after going into labour but otherwise I was quite excited.” Chantelle told how she discovered she was expecting after going to her GP with “really bad” stomach pains. She said: “Me and Alfie went. The doctor asked me whether we had sex. I said yes and he said I should do a pregnancy test. He did the test and said I was pregnant. I started crying and didn’t know what to do. He said I should tell my mum but I was too scared. We didn’t think we would need help from our parents. You don’t really think about that when you find out you are pregnant. You just think your parents will kill you.” But Penny figured out what was going on after buying Chantelle a T-shirt which revealed her swelling tum. Chantelle admitted she and Alfie — who are both being supported by their parents — would be accused of being grossly irresponsible. She said: “We know we made a mistake but I wouldn’t change it now. We will be good loving parents. I have started a church course and I am going to do work experience helping other young mums. I’ll be a great mum and Alfie will be a great dad.”

Chantelle and Maisie were released from hospital yesterday. They are living with Penny, Chantelle’s jobless dad Steve, 43, and her five brothers in a rented council house in Eastbourne. The family lives on benefits. Alfie, who lives on an estate across town with mum Nicola, 43, spends most of his time at the Steadmans’ house. He is allowed to stay overnight and even has a school uniform there so he can go straight to his classes in the morning. Alfie’s dad, who is separated from Nicola, believes the lad is scared deep down. He said: “Everyone is telling him things and it’s going round in his head. It hasn’t really dawned on him. He hasn’t got a clue of what the baby means and can’t explain how he feels. All he knows is mum and dad will help. When you mention money his eyes look away. And she is reliant on her mum and dad. It’s crazy. They have no idea what lies ahead.” Dennis, who works for a vehicle recovery firm, described Alfie as “a typical 13-year-old boy”. He said: “He loves computer games, boxing and Manchester United.” Dennis, who has fathered nine kids, told how he was “gobsmacked” when he discovered Alfie was to be a dad, too. He said: “When I spoke to him he started crying. He said it was the first time he’d had sex, that he didn’t know what he was doing and of the complications that could come. I will talk to him again and it will be the birds and the bees talk. Some may say it’s too late but he needs to understand so there is not another baby.”

LovelyChantelle’s mum said: “I told her it was lovely to have the baby but I wish it was in different circumstances. We have five children already so it’s a big financial responsibility. But we are a family and will pull together and get through. She’s my daughter. I love her and she will want for nothing.” Last night Michaela Aston, of the anti-abortion Christian charity LIFE, said: “We commend these teenagers for their courage in bringing their child into the world. At the same time this is symptomatic of the over-sexualisation of our youngsters and shows the policy of value-free sex education just isn’t working.” Today Sussex Police and the local council's children services said they have investigated the case and pledged continued support for the young parents. Britain’s youngest known father is Sean Stewart. He became a dad at 12 when the girl next door, 15-year-old Emma Webster, gave birth in Sharnbrook, Bedford, in 1998. They split six months later.

Even in Singapore, there are many reports of teenagers having sex.

As reported in The Straits Times,
Feb 9, 2009:

Rise in teen sex
By Carolyn Quek and Kimberly Spykerman
NEVER mind that they know little about the birds and the bees, teenage girls here are still going ahead with the deed - and in larger numbers as well. The latest police figures show that 310 girls below the age of 16 were caught engaging in underage consensual sex last year - nearly 45per cent more than the year before. Put against the number from five years ago - 163 - the jump is even starker. Most of the time, their parents or teachers report them to the police; police officers on patrol have also caught them in the act. The police say that most of the time, these girls are with men known to them, usually their boyfriends or friends. In most cases, these boys are also teenagers, though they are sometimes in their 20s or even 30s. In the eyes of the law, girls aged between 12 and 14 are considered victims of statutory rape. Cases involving girls below the age of 12 are investigated as rape. Offenders can be jailed for up to 20 years, and fined or caned. Under the Women's Charter, sex with a girl aged above 14 but below 16 is termed 'carnal connection'. If found guilty, offenders can be jailed for up to five years and fined up to $10,000 for this crime. While females are the majority of victims in underage sex cases here, the law has been amended to protect males as well. Last October, a 32-year-old former teacher became the first woman here to be charged with having sex with a minor, a 15-year-old boy. Not only are the rising numbers worrying, youth counsellors say it also appears that teenagers are being initiated into sex earlier…

&

Ex-teacher, teen had sex
By Elena Chong
A FORMER school teacher had sex with a 15-year-old student six times in chalets and even in her matrimonial flat. On Monday, the 32-year-old mother of one pleaded guilty to having sex with the youth, which began in March last year. She tried to break off the relationship when she found the teen becoming overly possessive and temperamental. But he refused. A district court heard that when she insisted on ending their affair and ignoring his phone calls and text messages, he threatened to kill her and her family. Fearing that he would carry them out, she confided in her school counsellor, who referred the matter to the school principal on May 15 last year. The next day she made a police report. In court on Monday, the bespectacled woman, clad in a long white-sleeve blouse and dark blue pants, admitted to one charge of sex with a minor under 16. This is the first case of its kind involving a woman. If convicted, she faces a jail term of up to 10 years or fine or both. Deputy Public Prosecutor Royce Wee said the woman was teaching Chinese language and civil moral education in a primary school where the victim was in Primary 6 in 2007. She did not teach his class. After a school trip to China, the two began calling and SMSing each other frequently. Over time, she became fond of him and began to treat him as her godson, showering him with a lot of care and attention. When he was promoted to secondary 1, they continued to meet. They also went window shopping, watched movies and had meals together. They began to develop intimate feelings for each each. The boy finally told her he had fallen for her, and she agreed to be his girlfriend. On March 10 last year, she booked a chalet in Pasir Ris and had sex with him. Senior Counsel Sant Singh said she was under a lot of work and family pressure, having to look after her five-year-old girl with learning disability. He said his client had wanted to end the relationship after realising that it was inappropriate and not right for her to do so. “She was also ridden with guilt, and it was consequent to this that she could not handle the situation that she spoke to the school counsellor and made a clean breast....'' he added. District Judge Sarjit Singh will pass sentence on Feb 23.

These reports are frightening. To know that teenagers are going to the extent of committing sexual acts, and not realising the serious and irreversible consequences. The often impulsive act, which in their minds serve as an expression of love, is not viewed as heavily as it should be.

Does today’s generation of youths really understand what love is? Well, I don’t think so. Their minds are so warped that relationships are formed and maintained based on the wrong ideas. There is too much emphasis on physical intimacy to express liking for a person. Hence, the “optimal balance” required in a relationship is never reached. And because of the weak foundations that these relationships are built upon, they tend not to last long.

If I were to explain it in terms of the Knapp Model of Relational Development, I’d say that the 1st 4 stages (Initiating, Experimenting, Intensifying, Integrating) are rushed through, with the goal of reaching stage 5 (Bonding) and performing the “sacred” act. But once it has been reached, youngsters then realise that it ends there. From there, it quickly proceeds downhill into stages 6-10 (Differentiating, Circumscribing, Stagnating, Avoiding, Terminating).

With all that has been said, I am NOT generalizing that ALL teenagers form relationships that are shallow and extreme. It is just a trend that can be observed in MOST teenage relationships.

Will this carry on and lead us into a disastrous future? I wonder...

Articles used in this entry are extracted from http://www.asiaone.com/, http://www.thesun.co.uk/ and http://www.straitstimes.com/.

Verbal & Non-Verbal

What one is involved in while listening to the radio or a podcast (just like the 1 below) is very clearly VERBAL COMMUNICATION. It can be represented using a linear model, and is based on language and words. If the speech is in a language that the listener does not know of, the message wrapped within the words will not be received by the listener.

the mrbrown show: hard to burn


Using the above podcast as an example, we will have a brief analysis on the verbal communication concepts involved. Short sections from the recording will be quoted throughout the analysis.

“…trained to survive the jungle of Singapore politics.”
“Politics is dirty...”
“Tell it to the fist.”
“When you need an MP to give out the bitter medicine, Jackson Lim is the male nurse who will make you swallow your pills without water, 3 times a day after meals.”
Language is SYMBOLIC and cannot be interpreted literally all the time. Very often, the meaning of the words/phrases used has to be understood with relevance to the context of its usage. Is politics literally a jungle and covered in dirt? Do you really speak to the fist when someone tells you to? Obviously not. These expressions have meanings that are somewhat totally different from the string of words that you see.

“Politics is dirty, but I’m the town council cleaner.”
“Auntie, economy no good. Save your umbrella for a rainy day.”
Because of its symbolic nature, people sometimes display a humorous play of words – otherwise known as a pun. Using the multiple meanings that certain words/phrases have, people express slight contradictions between the intended meaning and the context they have been used in.

EQUIVOCATIONS (the use of equivocal or ambiguous expressions), as seen above, can lead to misinterpretations because of the multiple possible interpretations that one can make out of them.

“Yala, what’s your problem?”
“Eh? Why you never catch fire one? Oi! Put me down.”
These are examples of SLANGS that typical Singaporeans use within their everyday language. Matched together with a few broken sentences and mispronounced words, we have we know as Singlish, the not-so-glorious Singapore tongue.

“Uncle, your shoe missed.”
“Auntie, economy no good.”
“Auntie, gong xi gong xi gong xi ni ah.”
DIFFERENCES IN REFERENCE GROUPS is another barrier to communication. For example, the usage of “Uncle” and “Auntie” to address middle-aged (or older) men and lady is unique to the Singapore culture and cannot be understood by people from other countries.

“He’s an MP in white…”
“…and I don’t burn easy.”
Just like the previous set of examples, the implicit meanings behind these words/phrases can only be understood by a group people with the relevant knowledge/background. While it’s largely a country issue, it can actually also be an issue of whether one follows the news. For one that is oblivious to recent happenings in Singapore, the idea of burning an MP would not mean much. But for the group of people who follow the news, they will easily relate this to the MP Seng Han Thong incident.

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And now on to NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION, communication that is non-linguistic (without words).

Please mute the video to have a better experience of non-verbal communication.
Katy Perry – Hot N Cold


Throughout the whole video, there is an extensive use of KINESICS. Right at the beginning, we are able to sense happiness from the lady, based on the smile on her face. [0:03-0:11] However, the mood changes, from happy to angry [0:27-0:34], and eventually sad. [0:50-1:05] All these are based on the facial expressions of the lady. However, kinesics is not only about facial expressions, but also comprises of other body movements and gestures. Also in the first scene, the pastor of the church can be seen crossing his arms, leaning away from the man, chin down, and looking at the man through the corner of his eyes. [clear example at around 0:50] This is an expression of disapproval and dislike.

As we see in the first scene of the church, the man is constantly looking around, his attention shifting from the pastor to the lady to the crowd. This is an example of OCULESICS at work. The inability to maintain constant eye contact with anyone in the room shows his fear, intimidation and insecurity.

From 2:12 to 2:26, we see the use of PHYSICAL APPEARANCE to portray sadness and frustration. The smudged eyeliner (or that’s what it looks like) shows history of intense crying, while the messy attire and hairstyle lets viewers feel that it has been aggressively ripped/shaken.

Within the same scene, there is a smart use of OBJECTICS. The baseball bats held within the hands of the ugly brides gives viewers the notion of anger, and a desire to hurt someone. While baseball bats are primarily used in sports, they are also good weapons and have been commonly used as such in movies and TV shows.

Then at 2:35-2:40, we see HAPTICS at work. The lady gives the man an unfriendly push and he runs away after that. Based on the push alone, we are unable to decipher what it is about. But with reference to the expressions before and the reactions after, we are in a better position to draw a conclusion about its friendliness.

Of course, the different types of non-verbal communication do not occur just once throughout the whole video. In fact, there are so many details involved (and intertwined together) that allow us to figure out the meaning behind the whole video. (even without the sound!)

Bailamos Para Siempre 2009!

As you can see, the event, hosted by SMU Cadera Latinas (the Latin Dance society of SMU), was held last Thursday @ Zouk. It was a fun-filled night whereby dancers from all over Singapore gather for some Latin and Salsa social.

Being one of the many performers for the event, I managed to experience first-hand the whole process of preparation and rehearsals right to the end of the event.
Preparation for the event started some time before the actual event. Things were still pretty relaxed back then. However, as the date drew nearer and nearer, with the choreography less than half complete, we started feeling the pressure. Steadily, the team made significant progress. But sadly, it wasn’t enough.

Soon, it was the technical run (11/01). Dance groups involved in the event gathered at SMU to have a run-through on their dances. And after which, feedback was given. After having seen the other performers showcase their moves, we did an assessment on ourselves. In the sense of STRUCTURAL PRINCIPLES, we ORGANISED our views and thoughts, questioning ourselves regarding our role in this event. Besides being just performers, we were actually a part of the whole event. There’s more to it! We were also representing our own Institute. The quality of our performance would not only reflect the quality of the whole Bailamos event, but also affect the reputation of our institute. With that in mind, we were determined to put up a good show. There was to be intensive training daily, all the way till the event.

The following week (18/1), there was a full dress rehearsal. Our performance was a lot better as compared to the previous time, though there was still room for improvement. But one thing remained; we felt distant from the organizers. (They were relatively cold towards us the previous week) Perhaps it’s the PERSISTENCE OF FIRST IMPRESSION, or maybe they were really unfriendly. In any case, it resulted in little communication between both sides.

On the day of the event, my team arrived at Zouk in the afternoon. We had a final rehearsal for blocking and lightings, followed by a curtain call practice. After all that was done, all performers got busy changing into costumes, doing their hair and putting on make-up. Before we knew it, the doors were open and the event had begun. The anxiety within me intensified as the seconds ticked by. We were the second group to perform!

SIM Salsa En Soul!













I encountered a minor hiccup during the course of performing, but thankfully it wasn’t too disastrous - I was unable to keep my back straight while executing the cartwheel stunt. This must have been due to the intensive trainings and many attempts (of the very same stunt) prior to the performance. Yet on the contrary, when I witnessed other performers committing errors/mistakes, I would blame it on his/her poor memory, skills, strength etc. This is a fine illustration of SELF-SERVING BIAS and the FUNDAMENTAL ATTRIBUTION ERROR. (Which I experienced)

Overall, the team did well. We cheered and celebrated at the end, toasting to all the efforts that we had put in, and also to the wonderful night we had.

Some other photos: