Teenagers, Love & Sex

How was Valentine’s Day for you yesterday? Was it filled with roses, chocolates, and a date with a loved one? Or did you spend the day in a more unique way?

As we witness the typical scenes of couples exchanging sweet nothings and holding hands, we will sometimes also experience awkward moments when nearby young couples start behaving intimately. In fact, witnessing of such acts is not only limited to special occasions like V Day, and is becoming increasingly common. While it may be simplistically seen as liberalization of our society, one should not overlook the details within this trend.

One of the major concerns regarding this liberalization is teenagers and youngsters. Just because there are curfews and restrictions set by parents doesn’t mean youngsters don’t know about love, romance and relationships. There are many means of communication nowadays and this impossible to fully control the information that teenagers are exposed to. The internet is the most powerful and dangerous thing of modern day, and teenagers are falling prey to this monster.

As reported in My Paper,
Mon, Feb 09, 2009:

More S'pore teens prefer to flirt offline
By Kenny Chee
BEING a female player in online games gets her a lot of attention from other gamers, and while she flirts with them from time to time, Miss N. Tan, 19, draws the line at meeting them in real life. Miss Tan, a student, told my paper: "I would never meet any of (the guys) offline... Most of them are weirdos." Still, she said some of the men gave her pet names like "Baby" or asked her to be their girlfriend. Some even asked her to have cybersex with them. Although she found it interesting, she was aware of the dangers of interacting with online sexual predators and made it a point not to reveal her personal information to anyone. Miss Tan is one of many Singaporean teens using technology to flirt and maintain online relationships. Last Friday, a global survey of teenage users of Habbo - an online world similar to Second Life - showed that around 15 per cent of Singapore teens flirt online through instant messaging, online social networks and online worlds. However, 27 per cent still prefer face-to-face flirting. The survey was conducted last month by Sulake, the Finnish firm that runs Habbo. Almost 130,000 teens from 33 countries were polled, including 2,900 from Singapore. Mr Valmond Teng, 22, who has been using online channels to keep in contact with his real-life girlfriends since he was 14, said teenagers go online to flirt with the opposite sex because restrictions like curfews prevented them from meeting more often. "But I would not advocate finding a relationship online because it's hard to tell if someone is being truthful on the Internet," said the Singapore Management University business-management student.

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S'pore youth hone flirting skills online
By Kenny Chee
ROMANCE is very much alive among Singapore youths, with many honing their flirtation skills online.
A global survey of teenage users of Habbo, an online world similar to Second Life, found that seven in 10 teenagers here feel that romance is not dead. In fact, two in three of them said that technology, such as online networking sites, has paved the way for romance by making it easier for them to flirt. Released last Friday, the findings come at a time when the number of singles here is on the rise. Statistics show that there are more single men and women now than over 10 years ago. Last month, the two government matchmaking agencies, the Social Development Unit and the Social Development Service, merged to enlarge their dating pool of singles. But the Habbo findings show that future prospects for Singapore youths, who are raised on the Internet and social-networking sites, are bright indeed. The survey was conducted last month by Sulake, the Finnish firm behind Habbo. It polled almost 130,000 teenagers in 33 countries. There were 2,900 from Singapore. It found that half of the local respondents have had at least one real- life romance. Six in 10 have had at least one online relationship. Mr Ken Lim, country manager of Sulake Singapore, said: "The benefit of anonymity...is that teenagers will not be fearful of rejection in online relationships." Online gamer N. Tan said she would flirt back with online male gamers when in the mood. But undergraduate Katarina Low, 19, feels that online flirting could be dangerous because sexual predators could hide behind the cover of anonymity. "I think face-to-face contact is still the best," she said.

As we can see, 15% of teenagers flirt online. Online flirting allows them to remain anonymous, or even take on a different personality. As such, relationships formed through the internet can possibly be built upon lies and fakery. There is no trust put into these relationships, therefore it'll weak and unstable. The problem arise when one person fails to realise such a fact, and blindly commits into the online relationship. Over time, feelings intensify. And when the truth finally unfolds, the consequences will be hard to manage.

What is even scarier than teens flirting online is the fact that more and more of them are engaging in sexual acts, and at younger ages. Reports of parents as young as 12 years old exist, and are indeed shocking.

Just recently, there was one such report in The Sun:

Baby-faced boy Alfie Patten is a father at 13
By LUCY HAGAN
Published: 13 Feb 2009
BOY dad Alfie Patten yesterday admitted he does not know how much nappies cost — but said: “I think it’s a lot.”
Baby-faced Alfie, who is 13 but looks more like eight, became a father four days ago when his girlfriend Chantelle Steadman gave birth to 7lb 3oz Maisie Roxanne. He told how he and Chantelle, 15, decided against an abortion after discovering she was pregnant. The shy lad, whose voice has not yet broken, said: “I thought it would be good to have a baby. I didn’t think about how we would afford it. I don’t really get pocket money. My dad sometimes gives me £10.” Alfie, who is just 4ft tall, added: “When my mum found out, I thought I was going to get in trouble. We wanted to have the baby but were worried how people would react. I didn’t know what it would be like to be a dad. I will be good, though, and care for it.” Alfie's story, broken exclusively by The Sun today has sparked a huge political storm with Tory leader David Cameron saying: "When I saw these pictures this morning, I just thought how worrying that in Britain today children are having children. I hope that somehow these children grow up into responsible parents but the truth is parenthood is just not something they should be thinking about right now."

SecretPM Gordon Brown refused to comment directly on the story but said it was important that the Government did all it could to prevent teenage pregnancies. Alfie’s dad Dennis yesterday told how the lad does not really understand the enormity of his situation — but seemed desperate to be a devoted and responsible father. He wanted to be the first to hold Maisie after the hospital birth. He tenderly kisses the baby and gives her a bottle. And Dennis, 45, said: “He could have shrugged his shoulders and sat at home on his Playstation. But he has been at the hospital every day.” Maisie was conceived after Chantelle and Alfie — just 12 at the time — had a single night of unprotected sex. They found out about the baby when Chantelle was 12 weeks pregnant. But they kept it a secret until six weeks later when Chantelle’s mum Penny, 38, became suspicious about her weight gain and confronted her. After that Alfie’s family told only those closest to them for fear he would be “demonised” at school. Chantelle gave birth to Maisie on Monday night after a five-hour labour at Eastbourne Hospital, East Sussex. Last night she told The Sun: “I’m tired after the birth. I was nervous after going into labour but otherwise I was quite excited.” Chantelle told how she discovered she was expecting after going to her GP with “really bad” stomach pains. She said: “Me and Alfie went. The doctor asked me whether we had sex. I said yes and he said I should do a pregnancy test. He did the test and said I was pregnant. I started crying and didn’t know what to do. He said I should tell my mum but I was too scared. We didn’t think we would need help from our parents. You don’t really think about that when you find out you are pregnant. You just think your parents will kill you.” But Penny figured out what was going on after buying Chantelle a T-shirt which revealed her swelling tum. Chantelle admitted she and Alfie — who are both being supported by their parents — would be accused of being grossly irresponsible. She said: “We know we made a mistake but I wouldn’t change it now. We will be good loving parents. I have started a church course and I am going to do work experience helping other young mums. I’ll be a great mum and Alfie will be a great dad.”

Chantelle and Maisie were released from hospital yesterday. They are living with Penny, Chantelle’s jobless dad Steve, 43, and her five brothers in a rented council house in Eastbourne. The family lives on benefits. Alfie, who lives on an estate across town with mum Nicola, 43, spends most of his time at the Steadmans’ house. He is allowed to stay overnight and even has a school uniform there so he can go straight to his classes in the morning. Alfie’s dad, who is separated from Nicola, believes the lad is scared deep down. He said: “Everyone is telling him things and it’s going round in his head. It hasn’t really dawned on him. He hasn’t got a clue of what the baby means and can’t explain how he feels. All he knows is mum and dad will help. When you mention money his eyes look away. And she is reliant on her mum and dad. It’s crazy. They have no idea what lies ahead.” Dennis, who works for a vehicle recovery firm, described Alfie as “a typical 13-year-old boy”. He said: “He loves computer games, boxing and Manchester United.” Dennis, who has fathered nine kids, told how he was “gobsmacked” when he discovered Alfie was to be a dad, too. He said: “When I spoke to him he started crying. He said it was the first time he’d had sex, that he didn’t know what he was doing and of the complications that could come. I will talk to him again and it will be the birds and the bees talk. Some may say it’s too late but he needs to understand so there is not another baby.”

LovelyChantelle’s mum said: “I told her it was lovely to have the baby but I wish it was in different circumstances. We have five children already so it’s a big financial responsibility. But we are a family and will pull together and get through. She’s my daughter. I love her and she will want for nothing.” Last night Michaela Aston, of the anti-abortion Christian charity LIFE, said: “We commend these teenagers for their courage in bringing their child into the world. At the same time this is symptomatic of the over-sexualisation of our youngsters and shows the policy of value-free sex education just isn’t working.” Today Sussex Police and the local council's children services said they have investigated the case and pledged continued support for the young parents. Britain’s youngest known father is Sean Stewart. He became a dad at 12 when the girl next door, 15-year-old Emma Webster, gave birth in Sharnbrook, Bedford, in 1998. They split six months later.

Even in Singapore, there are many reports of teenagers having sex.

As reported in The Straits Times,
Feb 9, 2009:

Rise in teen sex
By Carolyn Quek and Kimberly Spykerman
NEVER mind that they know little about the birds and the bees, teenage girls here are still going ahead with the deed - and in larger numbers as well. The latest police figures show that 310 girls below the age of 16 were caught engaging in underage consensual sex last year - nearly 45per cent more than the year before. Put against the number from five years ago - 163 - the jump is even starker. Most of the time, their parents or teachers report them to the police; police officers on patrol have also caught them in the act. The police say that most of the time, these girls are with men known to them, usually their boyfriends or friends. In most cases, these boys are also teenagers, though they are sometimes in their 20s or even 30s. In the eyes of the law, girls aged between 12 and 14 are considered victims of statutory rape. Cases involving girls below the age of 12 are investigated as rape. Offenders can be jailed for up to 20 years, and fined or caned. Under the Women's Charter, sex with a girl aged above 14 but below 16 is termed 'carnal connection'. If found guilty, offenders can be jailed for up to five years and fined up to $10,000 for this crime. While females are the majority of victims in underage sex cases here, the law has been amended to protect males as well. Last October, a 32-year-old former teacher became the first woman here to be charged with having sex with a minor, a 15-year-old boy. Not only are the rising numbers worrying, youth counsellors say it also appears that teenagers are being initiated into sex earlier…

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Ex-teacher, teen had sex
By Elena Chong
A FORMER school teacher had sex with a 15-year-old student six times in chalets and even in her matrimonial flat. On Monday, the 32-year-old mother of one pleaded guilty to having sex with the youth, which began in March last year. She tried to break off the relationship when she found the teen becoming overly possessive and temperamental. But he refused. A district court heard that when she insisted on ending their affair and ignoring his phone calls and text messages, he threatened to kill her and her family. Fearing that he would carry them out, she confided in her school counsellor, who referred the matter to the school principal on May 15 last year. The next day she made a police report. In court on Monday, the bespectacled woman, clad in a long white-sleeve blouse and dark blue pants, admitted to one charge of sex with a minor under 16. This is the first case of its kind involving a woman. If convicted, she faces a jail term of up to 10 years or fine or both. Deputy Public Prosecutor Royce Wee said the woman was teaching Chinese language and civil moral education in a primary school where the victim was in Primary 6 in 2007. She did not teach his class. After a school trip to China, the two began calling and SMSing each other frequently. Over time, she became fond of him and began to treat him as her godson, showering him with a lot of care and attention. When he was promoted to secondary 1, they continued to meet. They also went window shopping, watched movies and had meals together. They began to develop intimate feelings for each each. The boy finally told her he had fallen for her, and she agreed to be his girlfriend. On March 10 last year, she booked a chalet in Pasir Ris and had sex with him. Senior Counsel Sant Singh said she was under a lot of work and family pressure, having to look after her five-year-old girl with learning disability. He said his client had wanted to end the relationship after realising that it was inappropriate and not right for her to do so. “She was also ridden with guilt, and it was consequent to this that she could not handle the situation that she spoke to the school counsellor and made a clean breast....'' he added. District Judge Sarjit Singh will pass sentence on Feb 23.

These reports are frightening. To know that teenagers are going to the extent of committing sexual acts, and not realising the serious and irreversible consequences. The often impulsive act, which in their minds serve as an expression of love, is not viewed as heavily as it should be.

Does today’s generation of youths really understand what love is? Well, I don’t think so. Their minds are so warped that relationships are formed and maintained based on the wrong ideas. There is too much emphasis on physical intimacy to express liking for a person. Hence, the “optimal balance” required in a relationship is never reached. And because of the weak foundations that these relationships are built upon, they tend not to last long.

If I were to explain it in terms of the Knapp Model of Relational Development, I’d say that the 1st 4 stages (Initiating, Experimenting, Intensifying, Integrating) are rushed through, with the goal of reaching stage 5 (Bonding) and performing the “sacred” act. But once it has been reached, youngsters then realise that it ends there. From there, it quickly proceeds downhill into stages 6-10 (Differentiating, Circumscribing, Stagnating, Avoiding, Terminating).

With all that has been said, I am NOT generalizing that ALL teenagers form relationships that are shallow and extreme. It is just a trend that can be observed in MOST teenage relationships.

Will this carry on and lead us into a disastrous future? I wonder...

Articles used in this entry are extracted from http://www.asiaone.com/, http://www.thesun.co.uk/ and http://www.straitstimes.com/.